Dear Toto,

Letters to one you love.

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“Love can’t be repented, neither forgotten nor rejected. The illusion of forgetting is for the mind to lie & always rejected by heart. Never can we find a perfect world, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Living in delusion of strongest memories is the world we chase in real. Lest we forget, it is right there, within us”

Dear Toto,

As the smoke fades off the burnt ash in the wake of this cold night, I can’t help to think of you. How have u been? It seems a lifetime since I wrote my heart out. More than that, whom should I write my heart out to?  Seems i lost track of those countless thoughts which mummer in my head everyday. 

Indeed it’s been long since I have seen u last, I still feel those cold chills down my spine. I still feel so much was left to say, so much I wanted to say but never could. The smell of your perfume still makes me so nostalgic. That sunset still seems to wrap the dusk of crimson all over my memories. What went wrong between us? Why did we walk off like strangers when we were the only two people who seemed fimiliar in a throng of million. 

A year which seemed to never end, the voices which seem to never fade. The texts seem to never reach, calls! Ugh! I wish I could find words to calm the nostalgia in me. I always thought but didn’t have the courage to try. 

Yeah! It’s true, every morning I wake up with a dying fragile hope to believe maybe , somehow I have a text from you. Yeah! I still try to see your picture at least once a day. You know, the other day a friend said , “Love can’t be repented, neither forgotten nor rejected. The illusion of forgetting is for the mind to lie & always rejected by heart. Never can we find a perfect world, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist”.

I heard him, I heard him well. All I did was remain silent. I wish I could have contradicted him, but within me I just knew the truth. So I didn’t.

I hope you have found your soulmate already, I hope he makes u smile. All I can believe is that somewhere I live in you just like the shadow in the dark. I hope you sometimes you think of me. Well that wouldn’t make it a perfect world for me, but it shall at least make this world a little better. 

Do u still click pictures? Do you still laugh with that growling noise? Do you still wear those faded red threads on your wrist ? I hope you still dance in the car while driving. Do you still keep your bag on the backseat ? Does it still have your fav perfume ? 

I hope you are still the same because I changed, I changed a lot. I still don’t know how to sing but now i don’t even try. I guess it’s been a lifetime since I found myself good looking . I still call a “Helmet” , a “Hemlet” …… the only difference is no one corrects me now. That changes everything in me.

I miss you!

Love,

Shah

Srinagar,

20/12/2017

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