Khuda ko banth Aaya Hun

“Fakr kar mujhpe, Aaj Khuda ko banth aaya hun,

Kuch ko shia,kuch ko sunni bana laya hun,

Aaj kya ronakh dekh li iblees ke ghar mei,

Masjid khali karke, makhane saja laya hun,

Dil mei hasad kareeb karke, kalme padta hun,

Mei toh woh hun jo tasbeeyun ke bazaar bhicha laya hun,

Wahabiyun ko khaleefon ka Fitoor sunake aaya hun,

Barelviyun ko Wahabiyun ka kina sikha ke laya hun,

Is masjid mei kaun hai jo kehde jootha Hun mei,

Mei toh, duniya ko dikhake sakhi keh laya Hun,

Mei magfirat maangta hun haram mei jhuk ke,

Mei Yateemun ka hak jala kar Haji kehlaya hun,

Ja keh zamane se mei iblees ka yaar Hun,

Mei daulat Hun,izzat toh bepanaah laya hun,

Jin munafiqeen pe lanath bejhte ho,

Arey mei unhe tumhi logun mei alim bana laya hun,

Banth chuka hun khuda ko mei,

Har imaam mei alag sa firka laya hun,

Wasu karke paakh karle khudko ae insaan,

Mei toh teri aadat hi kharab laya hun,

Jannat ki Arzoo karta reh akhirat tak,

Mei toh tere liye dosak likh aaya hun,

Kalme padh taraviyun pe khade rehke,

Mei toh tere rozey hi makru kar aaya hun,

Haraam ki daulat kama ke masjid bana le kuch waqt mei,

Mei har eenth mei sood khori likhwa laya hun,

Fakr kar mujh pe, aaj khuda banth laya hun,

Iblees ko khuda banake, khud ko firoon bana laya hun…..

Advertisements

Dear People…

All I wanted to ever say is right here. All you need to do is think hard & understand.

Drop me to the train which leaves this city, Drive me to the darkest woods & snub the city lights. Who shall it be, who judges the soul of mine, I propose to be an advocate of my being. Lest do I hold close the Crimson dawns of the forgotten sky, I yet ponder on the drowning eyes of the sun. Look within me yet again, I still hold the fury of a million storms.

Under the creek buried beneath the snow, I sung for the autumn to fall, I am the cold of the frosts, i pluck the first flowers of the dawning springs. Close the panes, the light is trapped within my soul, as I yearn endlessly till eternity. I have fed on the silence of chaos, shall I not break bread with the noise of being.

Guide me home today, they say I have walked these terrains astray, call me holy & praise me well, the saints say I have sinned enough. Dawn upon me the silks of the west, the robes of satin seem to make me god. I live within the falling stars, Shall I be the only one who makes them fall. Hold your city lights , I love to walk in the lamps. All I yet seek to fetch upon, the fallen pieces of the broken hearts.

With love,

A Astray Man

Somewhere on earth

The Girl Who Seemed Lost

“As she stared at the mirror at the darkest corner of her room, she never could stop noticing the frayed emptiness within her pale eyes. Indeed her room smelled of his cologne, she wears it every day over her soul; Dancing on a tune which takes her to a memory lane a million skies away. Drowned under a thought of being what she was, she kept on thinking about what she could have been. The classics on her music player kept repeating themselves to the empty house of noises.

As she painted a million thoughts in the smoke that grew stronger within her chest, she kept on snubbing the ash over the words which were written all over the book she held. The television never seemed to go off & her dog never seemed to leave her sight. While she basked under the chants of friendship, she still held her teddy closer to chase away her nights. Deafened by the silence of mom, echoed the laughs of her dad, She hugs herself crawling under the linen of her loneliness to sleep within a glittering room of million lights.

While she burns up her canvas with colors, often does she dusts off her brush back to grey. With every masterpiece crept silently by the side of her bed, never does she forget to hide those pile of pages which define her. Carefully creased somewhere under the weight of a thousand books, away from the light of that handmade lamp that stands on the edge of her room.  While she loves to flicker them every day, never has she found a perfect ending to her sober story. Tripping off her heels, she holds her glass close enough, quite a hate for brittle things, indeed she mends everything except her heart.

As she stares at the mirror every morning to wear her smile on that face, she forgets that mirror still lies in the darkest corner of the room.

Yes! Indeed she grew up to be a woman just so fine, but somewhere within the loneliest corner of her closet lays aloof a childhood yet so quiet.

Dear Mrs Shah,

“Beyond the crimson horizon of dying sun, he couldn’t find the calm of the evenings. The world may echo his words in laughs , he lay silently besides the echoes of his thoughts. How far has he come? The word of calm seemed longed enough, the words never wrote itself with a pen. Was he fading away from the calls of his destined truth , soaring towards the epitome of dying lies. In the path of forgetting her , he lost his way home.”

Dear Mrs Shah,

How are you? It seems quite weird that I haven’t asked you from a while, how is your health? Never asked you, did the pain in your knee vanish ? Did the medicines help? It’s so ironical that you know everything that is happening in my life , even the watch on my side table which I always forget. Running after me for that morning breakfast that I keep on skipping. I hardly remember when did I last asked you , did u have your breakfast ?

Sometimes it makes me think, just because one person left my side, just because one relation chose to find it’s joy in the world , I just started doubting every bond which I ever had. I crept silently within the dark corners hiding in me. I had just forgotten how irrelevant all those lies were. I chose to shut the doors to every emotion which made me fragile, not understanding that your being was the only thing that could hold me together.

I don’t remember when was the last time I sat and heard you well. I have no idea how long has it been since I asked you how was I looking ? I forgot to notice the smile on your face just to make me laugh a little. When was the last time I told you that you’re the prettiest? I don’t even know which song do you like to listen & how much do you miss hearing my weird words? I just forgot it all.

As people chose their family I just forgot to find mine.

It’s already 2:30 in the morning as I write to you & the only thing that crosses my mind is how can be such a ungrateful hypocrite. As I was drowning in my own memories , you were teaching me how to swim. As I lay shut to the world , you were bringing the world to me.

In the world of Romeo & Juliet’s , I forgot about Mary. Forgive me !

Let me listen to you again, let me tell you all my tales. Let me tell you that you’re the prettiest lady I shall ever see & let me sing with you the song you love the most. Let me live with you a little, because all that I know is you are the truth in this world of lies.

No Juliet can be what this Mary is!

Thank you for being there. Indeed you are life.

I love you Maa. Forgive me!

With Love,

Your Son,

Three Rays Villa,

Srinagar

Dear Kim Shui….

“He stood there every cold evening , waiting to be looked upon by the eyes which once searched for him. He gazed at the foggy window panes to catch a glimpse of that shadow. The world went past him speeding away from the snow, he stood there waiting for the spring to come back again.”

Dear Kim Shui,

17/12/1978

konnichiwa!!! I hope you are well. It took me months to gather my words together & put them on this piece of paper. It seems as if the sky overhead seems like a small canvas to tell you all I have in me. I know you must be busy thinking am I fine or not, I feel you shall be glad to find my letter.

It’s cold here, the crimson sunsets have started to rust the clouds & every night I hear the clouds rumbling in rage. I hope you must have by now learnt to fight your fear of thundering, I guess you must be a brave girl by now. I went to the kamzi street again, I sat on that bench a drew you on every sight of my imagination. I feel better now. Somehow it calms my mind. OYAJI seems tensed for me these days but I am trying my best to make him understand that I am fine. 
Do you remember the brown painted kitchen window of your house where I caught a glimpse of you the first time? Haha , I still remember the flour all over your nose. Do you still hold that daffodil close to you which I gave you the first day we went for dinner, & that restaurant on the Osaka street? it still serves the best rice cakes in town. The movies at winchans? Our crazy laughs at the “Ken Shimara’s “show, the yellow umbrella, the latte’s at the box cafe? I hope you remember the joy we lived.

I remember everything Shui, all I can’t remember is saying goodbye. I know I just couldn’t say that to you & everyday of my life I have thought of that moment seeking refuge under the flakes of falling snow. I feel alone here Shui, the wait doesn’t seem to end. I don’t like rice cakes anymore, I don’t remember when was the last time I ran in the snow, matching footprints like we used to do. I feel tired walking and always keep my hands uptight hoping that you’ll hold it Someday. I calm my demons thinking of you in my days of despair, the elegance of that calm face strikes a solace within me. I feel content yet incomplete, I feel hopeful yet doomed. The awe of your being holds me intact but somewhere I still feel fragile & broken. I stop by the lake everyday trying to run away from the echoes in my head, but every night I go to bed with a thousand words screaming in me. Why Shui? Why? I still dial to you to hear you on your machine, countless messages no reply.

 Shui, you had promised that this spring shall be ours & we shall bask under the sun holding the warmth of togetherness seeping in our souls. It’s still months till spring and years till I see you again.

I miss you Shui. Come back ..!! I still wait for you..
Deliver to ,

Kim Shui

Nagasaki Graveyard,

106, Street 5,

Japan

Dear Andrew….

“They stood up from the noisy chair which eased their tormented minds in times of loneliness & hugged him close near the rusty gate of the front lawn, just to embrace the the warmth of their parting son. They searched for each other with cold shivering hands to find strength as they heard the dying footsteps slowly fading away. For the first time in their lives they felt the helplessness. It was the first time they felt the pain of being blind”
Dear Andrew,

We hope that you must have reached safely. Your Aunt Suz had dropped early this morning. She said that the train stations were jam packed this holiday season. We felt a bit worried. 

David took me to town today, your mum wanted to make some cheese cake this thanksgiving. I tried looking for a turkey , but I guess these days turkeys are born with diamond legs, so we bargained for a loaf. 

Son, it was really hard for me to say goodbye to you. I sat on that porch all day long trying to hear the sound of your ford, but I guess I was being too kiddish. Your mum was singing all day as if she was so happy today, but my son I realized all the songs she was humming were your favourites. She misses you a lot!

Every night we hold our hands & pray for your wellbeing as we sit for dinner, but sometimes I just become a little selfish & pray for your mum as well. She has never asked for anything except your well being. I sometimes feel her tears in the silence of setting evening & I always try to reach for her eyes to wipe them off. Indeed she is clever & knows how to wipe them before I reach there. 

My son, sometimes I want to take a walk through our garden & smell the roses that bloom every spring, I wish to walk through the fields of barley & run my fingers on the buds , sometimes I feel like sitting on the quiet porch & ask you was I a good father? But every time I feel like doing any of this, my stick reminds me that I have darkness in my eyes & noone to guide me back home. 

Be happy my son , with every passing day we pray for your well being. Give you children everything that I couldn’t give you & play with them. Tell them stories, hold them close, feed them properly & love them enough. Tell them who I was & who your mum was, I wish they remember us sometimes & I wish we could see them ever. 

I wish we wouldn’t have lost our eyes in that fatal accident. We regret not to be able to see how our boy looks now. I have imagined you in shadows, but I hope you shall always remember our wrinkled faces. You maybe away from us but we think of you all day long. I hope you also think of us sometimes.  Time just flies away, I sit remember you pushing off on that bicycle which I got you on your seventh birthday. The childhood birthday stuffed bears still smell of you, your orange baseball cap still lightens my eyes. Uncle Sam asks for you when he drops by with his ice cream cart, the truffles still tastes the same. 

I apologise that this time we couldn’t show you around the town. I guess I have forgotten the roads somehow but I hope to see you soon. 

We take good care of ourselves so don’t worry about us. But still try to write us back, we wait for your letters every Monday as David comes this way just on Mondays . He is a good lad he reads your letters for us. I always wanted to do so much more for you my son & we try our best  but unfortunately we are old & blind, so I hope you shall never hold a grudge against us.

Lots of love,

Roger Mathew

15/F Oakwood hills,

Minnesota 

Dear William Family…!

Dear William family,

Sometimes you hold a pen & think of writing your own story. I guess it’s time you hear about the serenity which walked through my days of life. I always wanted the generations to know, what a beautiful feeling it is to be able to love someone. 

While I was a young theatre enthusiast in France, the Broadway’s had a elite of it’s own. The work of Jean Vigo was at its prime & on a sunny afternoon of 1962, while I watched in fascination the art on that stage, a lady entered the silent auditorium full of deafening silent audience with a greased cloth bag up her shoulder..! What a aura she had! It felt like graceful joy draped in a long linen shirt. I loved the way she faded off the darkness with that gallance in her smile. I couldn’t stop myself from striking a silent conversation with her.

Kids sometimes while you talk to someone you already get a clue how that person is going to impact your life.everytime it’s almost undescribed but strongly felt. By the spring of 1963, we had weaved our own hideout from worries. She found peace in me & I? I had already found my solace around her. The time just used to rush to dark & I used to love holding the brittle sun lights in her thoughts. 

Ha! My girl..!! She had a mystically pure soul just like the silk stretched upon the curtains of a dreamy house. A calmness which I searched yet never found. She made me fall in love with rains, the cold drops of joy which brought the child come alive in me, the fresh brewed coffee to go with the equisite blend of her words, the gallant smiles which lived in freedom from artificiality & above all she made me fall in love with her.
Children, believe me I never saw a prettier woman than that woman who used to run her finger over the cup of her coffee while she innocently sipped the soberness out of the dark latte’s. 

With the onset of summer, I married her. The joy of that summer morning still glares through my skinny cheeks as I think of her. Children, your grandma was the prettiest bride who walked the aisle holding onto her grace & hope. 

I vowed:

“I shall hold you in your joy & sorrows. In sickness & health. In worry & good. I shall be faithful to the promise of loving you all my life & growing old with you. I shall respect & protect you against all evil. Never shall I run over your desires for my ambitions & above all I would let the kid in you be alive all my life, till I die. Amen”

Kids! She held onto my belief & we just lived our life basking under the glory of each other all our lives. With flaws & without them, with worries sometimes & without them. I never felt alone till the fateful evening of 1979. That day when I saw her breath her last, I helplessly held onto her. She held your father right to her womb &I kissed him for eternity , silently holding my hand just like the day she held it on the alter & bid me goodbye. While I put her in my arms to lay her to rest, her closed eyes had a stare that ripped through my heart.After all we both vowed to be there for each other all our lives, but she didn’t keep her vow.

Your Grandma was an elegant lady & the love of my life. Your old man feels weak & alone after she left. The tunes of Beethoven still remind me of our first dance & the coffee seems so cold now. 

I might have probably died when you shall read this letter, but do remember kids, hold onto the love of your life because someday you ll have your own story to write. Just make sure it’s the best.

I love you Christina !!!

With love,

Greg William

15/A, Churchill lane, 

New Jersey